Works in real life; works at the comedy club.  Show up on time - don't get there late, and then bitch and moan about not getting a spot.  And even more important, make sure you're always aware of when you're supposed to go up - don't make the MC look for you.  It pisses everybody off, and you're trying to make a good impression, remember?

You get a set amount of time to work out material; make the most of it.  Don't waste our time and yours both by just going up on stage and screwin' around for 5 minutes.  If you don't have something written that you need to work out, don't go up.

We've all gotta use that same microphone, remember?  So stop freakin' spitting into it!  Don't put your mouth around it.  Don't throw it on the ground!  And for God's sake, return it to the damn mike stand when you're done, rather than just handing it off to the MC - this is comedy, not a baton relay.

Argueably the most important of all the Commandments.  Go ahead and give a killer performance... but when that light appears, get the hell off the stage.  You wouldn't run the light on a professional gig (not if you wanted to ever be hired again, anyways...); don't do it here.

Hey, c'mon... if somebody's being cool enough to give you some stage time to work on your act, do 'em a solid, and buy a drink.  It's all karma, baby.

We're not demanding that you stay for the entire show (although it's a great learning experience if you do), but at LEAST stay for the next two or three comics after you.  Don't leave during the next guy's set - you wouldn't want him to do it to you.

In other words,... SHUT THE HELL UP!  There.  It needed to be said.

Yeah, you want a spot in the booked show.  Yeah, you're the greatest thing since sliced bread.  The next coming of Christ, but funnier.  We got it.  Wait until AFTER the show is finished to talk to the booker - he's busy watching other comics, and assuring himself that you're the best of the bunch.  Don't make him change his mind.

Want an even quicker way to talk yourself out of a job?  Go ahead - bite the hand that feeds you.  Make fun of the place giving you stage time - it might be funny... but it might also get you blacklisted.

Find out what's kosher on stage.  The owner doesn't like "blue" material?  Don't use it.  And get specifics - if @!*$ is a sin, but &#?% is hysterical, then go up and &#?% the @!*$ out of your set.